HELLO INTERNET BOY #50: Goodbye, Internet Boy forever

So this is it – the 50th and last post of HELLO INTERNET BOY. I’ve spent the morning reading back through all the posts. My god, I do wank on, don’t I? But it’s been an amazing experience. As a document to help aid my memory, it’s amazing. By reading through it, I’ve been able to remember small details (and large tbh) that I would have otherwise forgotten. I could smell my weird room in New York, and feel the hot Charleston air and feel the awkward cringe of meeting people.

What’s my round up? What’s my narrative arc ? I’ve already discussed some outcomes in the last post, but other than that, there’s not a bunch. I feel like a stronger person for having done all this. I feel like I had a great time and met some amazing people. I also feel like this document, this HELLO INTERNET BOY is exactly what it should be, that it exists right now as the perfect representation of the trip. Half blog, half microfiction, some diary, some memoir – it’s not going to turn into a book or start something new. This is what it is. Although I do honestly believe it could have been shorter.

Although, I have to say that reading back through it, I’m frustrated at how I wrote this. I sometimes skip over days of actual stuff, or summarise it, and even promise to go back to things, and then never do. I suppose it’s because I’m reflecting the hectic passage of every-day life, that I couldn’t write a post while in the car for a day, or busy in Chicago – but it frustrates me from a narrative point of view. I want to smooth out the edges of reality and make it all fit together more nicely. It won’t work, because that’s how life is. I suppose it’s good to have something to reflect that.

I’m also annoyed that I ran into such huge money troubles after returning from the US. I’ve really only just gotten stable. I feel like the project as a whole would have benefitted from some more travel, some more meeting of internet people. But hey, if wishes were fishes, this would be the ocean.

This project has been a lot of things – the very nature of it has been pretty stressful at times, forcing me to confront how much entitlement I actually have to other people’s stories. I’ve found myself soured on the idea of nonfiction in general. Give me fiction, or give me death. And it’s not because I hate nonfiction – I still love reading it, just not sure I want to be the guy to write about other people. I can still write about myself though! I’m easy pickings. I don’t care if I upset myself.

I’ve been incredibly lucky to have this project. I want to thank Philip Thiel for the grant, and I want to thank everyone mentioned in this ridiculous enterprise and I want to thank you, the reader. I don’t think you exist, but thanks all the same.

Anyway, until next year when I go to… Guam to visit… aunts, this is me. This has been Internet Boy. XoXo.

This post is generously supported by the Thiel Grant for Online Writing, and is included in a 50 part series called ‘HELLO INTERNET BOY’ ranging from March 2015 – March 2016.

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