The other day when exiting the cinema after seeing The Avengers, I heard a lady ask her three children if they could identify the moral of the movie.
“And what lesson did we learn from that?” she asked indulgently, her laser eyes flickering through the developing intellects of her children, desperately seeking to eliminate spiritual flaws. The faces of the children fell. ‘Um… friendship?’ ventured one. I think he was right.
A better answer would have been to bellow furiously ‘IT WAS SHITTING AWESOME, MUM! BLAAAAAARGH’ and jump from the roof of the carpark and destroy a bunch of cars or something.
If being unutterably lame was a superpower, then that Mum would have had a place reserved in the Avengers. Because, instead of allowing her child to get away with a perfectly plausible answer to a stupid question, she had to flex her lame muscles and provide her own moral for the Avengers.
‘Well, I think they learnt that it’s important to think about others.’
LACK OF STARS:
I’ve mentioned before that I don’t have kids, so if I accidentally give child-rearing tips in the stream of consciousness barrage that is this blog, you’re probably better off ignoring them. Then again, I used to be a kid, and then I grew out of it – which I believe means that I won childhood. But if I ever have to raise womb invaders, I’m not sure I would be so vehement about discovering lessons or morals in things. Much like Santa, this is a concept that the child will eventually learn is utter ballbags, and the world will be much harder to deal with from then on. Wouldn’t it be better to for that Mum to have come out and say
‘Gee fucking whiz, that Joss Whedon can write dialogue like a superstar.’
And the kids clamour around her like bats around a hysterical 60’s era starlet with big hair, and ask ‘But what was the lesson, mama. The moral?’
And she thinks about it, lights a cigarette and takes a swig from her flask of awesome and says –
‘I think the moral of the Avengers was that sometimes things happen, and people have to do something about it. And it doesn’t really mean much, except that it’s cool when Thor hits things and funny when the Hulk does.’
And instead of growing up in a world where they look for ethical guidance from the random chaos around them, they learn to enjoy the meaningless, like when Mark Ruffalo goes mad or Scarlett Johansen wears leather.
The lesson you should get from this article, is that if you haven’t seen The Avengers, you really should before some jerk spoils it, like I almost did in this article.