Advertising

The act of convincing people to buy your things.

THE STARS:

A dear friend reminded me of this story the other night, which is probably the pinnacle of my career in minor retail heroics.

Now, you don’t have to convince me of the effectiveness of advertising ploys. I succumb about once a day, and it’s only my borderline poverty that allows me to escape with a thousand trinkets, cleaning products and books stapled to my weeping face. But that doesn’t stop people from misusing the awesome power of advertising.

Case in point – at this particular stage in my Odyssean retail airport journey, I was working in the wine section of the store. This particular night was a late shift about mid year, when on average we would be lucky to get fifty customers after about 6pm. So what this could either mean was a bunch of standing around and looking at wine bottles (surprisingly fun) or if a motivated manager was on, cleaning and pretending to look busy.

At this point in time, we had one of our interminable and confusing special promo/advertising campaigns going. In order to somehow clarify the deal – Buy three (3) bottles of wine or one (1) bottles of spirits and over thirty dollars ($30) of perfume, receive ten percent (10%) off your next purchase.

WHAT A DEAL!

And how we advertised this was a little blue label that hung over the neck of a bottle of alcohol or perfume. The team leader who was on that night decided that instead of having the labels hanging off every other bottle in the store, we had to put it on EVERY. SINGLE. BOTTLE.

If you don’t immediately grasp why that’s the dumbest thing ever, let me draw you two pictures.

BEFORE

Discovered today – I can’t draw wine bottles.
AFTER
Hello sir, do you sell wine in your label store by any chance? 

So, after doing this, I looked around at the sheer madness I’d been forced to perpetuate, and decided that I would perhaps illustrate the absurdity of this a little more. So I then hung the rest of the labels on my own body, off my ears, off my buttons, on each of my fingers. I then stood still and blended into the sea of blue, ridiculous advertising.

When the team leader came back about an hour later, she looked around in a satisfied way for a while before noticing me, the retail chameleon. To her credit, she didn’t fire me.

LACK OF STARS:

However the store remained like that. My moment of rebellion passed unsuccessfully.
However when the store managers came in the next day, they quickly came down.

THE STARS:

1.5/5 stars. Why? I dunno.

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