Congratuwatchout!

A multi-use term invented by some of my friends in Melbourne which is going to take the world by storm.

THE STARS:

At first glance, this seems like a word that will only be used in a small amount of high drama situations, like when a priest is about to marry you and as he starts to say congratulations, the bride turns out to be a raptor and bites at you. The priest quickly changes his congratulations into a watch out, either in fear of the sanctity of your head, your unbroken heart or even your immortal soul.
CONGRATUWATCHOUT! Indeed.

LACK OF STARS:

On closer inspection, there’s a far darker side to the congratuwatchout phenomenon, easily summed up in these three examples.

1. CONGRADUATIONS!

IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE, YOU FOOLS.

You have finished your four year degree at the tertiary institution of your choice. Congratulations!
Good job buddy! Yeah, man, you worked really hard on that. You deserve it, that’s fantastic pal.

OR IS IT?

“Join the IT industry, they said, see the world they said. I’m the unhappiest ranga in the world.”

One week later, you’ve left the warm sticky bosom of the university and what are you doing? Mining computers. So, next time somebody is graduating, make sure you say congratuwatchout. It acknowledges all the hard work they’ve put in to getting this far, but also subtly warns them of the pain and horror that awaits them.

2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Hey man, happy 29th birthday, that’s really cool man, hope you have a great day. Congratulations.
Yay, birthdays are fun aren’t they.

Happy… birthday… to…. *sob* meeeeeeee.

But CONGRATUWATCHOUT!
You’re one stop closer to being dead.

3. Childbirth.

SELF EXPLANATORY.

THE SCORE:

5/5 stars.

THE COMMENT

I’ve been in Melbourne for a week, land of the never stop drinking ever. Also, I have a play to write in the next… week? That may mean more or less posts. For example, today I am procrastinating by writing this one instead of my play. And I feel bad that I didn’t put one up in Melbourne. But it wouldn’t have made any sense. It would have been a picture of a dinosaur finger puppet with the caption ‘LEADER IN HIS FIELD’.

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2 thoughts on “Congratuwatchout!

  1. Congratuwelldone sounds like you're really pleased, and then halfway through saying it, slightly less pleased.Kinda like this snippet of dialogue:JIMMYJIMMY: I won the Nobel Prize.MONTY: CONGRATU…JIMMYJIMMY: In pies.MONTY: …well done. Congratuwelldone. Bye.JIMMYJIMMY: (gorges himself on pies with the kind of reckless abandon you'd imagine from this leopard seal of a man).

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