Valentines Day

If I had a pet deer I would call it Valentine and then I’d spend a whole day with it.

Everyone knows this isn’t a real day. Yet, every second person you see are carrying flowers. The answer? They’re doing it ironically. OR they are in new relationships and despite the girl being cool and ironic and into Iggy Pop, you’re still too scared at the possible ramifications of NOT buying flowers or a card. That’s where the Spontaneity Review comes in with a host of alternatives to Valentines Day cards. You’ll always win with these five star alternatives.
1. Try to say plainly what you are feeling.
Umm. Not a fish? 
2. Make reference to your relationship. This is a day about it, not just the other person. 
3. Make it personal. Everybody who knows my girlfriend knows that she just loves puppies.
I love you like that old man loves his dog with the big tumour on its head.
4. Not only diamonds are forever. So are the undead.
5. Puns and plays on words are a fun way of proving you are witty and have a great sense of humour.
Do I even need to say? Stupid made up love holidays. Here, I got you some flower corpses. Hope you enjoy watching them decompose. It could be worse I suppose. It could be Hitler day. Or another god themed holiday. 
1/5 stars. 

9 thoughts on “Valentines Day

  1. Pingback: Valentimes Day Cards for non-suckers | The Spontaneity Review

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