Poseidon

Greek God of the ocean, earthquakes and horses.

THE STARS
You know, it occurs to me that i’ve been a little bit down on the divinities in this blog. In order to remedy this, i’ve decided to dedicate a post to a deity I really admire, old Poseidon. You know what I like about Poseidon? It’s the fact that you can rely on him to be as completely changeable as the sea. Unfathomable. Tempestuous. You get the theme.
It’s completely awesome that much of the time everything is super fun happy in the sun. He’s the god of beaches and Mediterranean cruises and Coke ads. 
I FUCKING LOVE YOU DOLPHIN,
AND YOU TOO, STINGY RIBBON DUDE!
And then for no reason at all, IT’S EARTHQUAKES AND TSUNAMIS. And isn’t that a much more problem free faith for you faith-having people? What do you do when little 7-year-old Jane asks 
“Daddy, why was Grandma killed by a cancerous pig on my birthday? Why did Jesus let that happen?”
And instead of you having to make up some bullshit about ‘God’s special plan’ or ‘Grandma was too good for this world’ (she must have finally reached vintage), you can just tell her honestly that Poseidon did it, because he is very powerful, very angry and very mad. 
I’M SO ANGRY ABOUT… CORAL.
But you just know that having a batshit insane god would be so much better than simply having a malicious trickster lurking behind the mask of a charitable, good god. For one thing, you have to admire the sheer kick-assness of a wild, vengeful god.
TAKE THAT, GALLEON!
And it wouldn’t be all bad. He just isn’t stable enough for that.
HEY GUYS I INVENTED HORSES FOR YOU!!!!
WHY? WHO THE FUCK CARES, THEY’RE FUCKING HORSES!
LACK OF STARS:
While this is all sheer awesome, there was a particular instance where Poseidon in one of his other incarnations made me really sad. No, i’m not talking about the planet Neptune, that’s a BRILLIANT planet. No, i’m talking about when he was King Triton.
I HAVE A GREAT IDEA: SHARKS!
If you’re not familiar with the story, King Triton had a lot of beautiful daughters, and the fairest of them all was Ariel. But she wasn’t happy, and King Triton was to blame.
You see, she wanted to be where the people are, she wanted to see, wanted to see them dancing. Strolling around on those, what do you call them again? Oh yeah, feet.  Flipping your fins you don’t get too far, legs are required for jumping, dancing, strolling along on the, what’s that word again? Street.
She wanted to be up where they walked, up where they ran, up where they played all day in the sun, wandering free, she wished she could be, part of their world.
But King Triton wouldn’t let her, and i’ve never forgiven him.
THE STARS
4/5 stars
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4 thoughts on “Poseidon

  1. Proving my point, my friend. I'm sure years later they had a beer and became best buddies. How they must have laughed about the whole 'sending his ship off route for a decade' caper.

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