Insomnia

When there is no logical reason why you’re up this early on a Saturday morning, but you’re so bored with your own inner monologue and have been awake all night.
THE STARS:
So I started off with a two hour hypothetical about which of the characters from Seinfeld would last longest in a zombie apocalypse. I won’t bore you with the details, but after being firmly in the Elaine team, I decided to go with Jerry. He is the protagonist, after all.
I then started panicking because I realised if Michael Bay approached me and asked me to pitch the trashiest film concept that I could think of, I wasn’t automatically prepared. 
Therefore I came up with two ideas:
Twi-Bot
*SIGH* I KEEP TELLING YOU HUMAN, I AM A TRANSFORMING
MOBILE BLOOD UNIT. THAT FIGHTS CRIME.
Turtle-Wizards… who race!
This summer, when sometimes the smallest packages hold the biggest surprises
and the true journey lies within us all. Turtles.
LACK OF STARS:
At the beginning of the night, I had ‘Terrible Love’ by The National stuck in my head, which I’ve been enjoying the wuthering shit out of. The lyrics devolved from ‘It’s a terrible love and I’m walking with spiders’ which is strange enough I suppose, to ‘It’s a terrible love because she’s made out of spiders.’ Which while giving me an amusing image, became a really annoying cycling set of lyrics. Over and over. So I desperately endeavoured to move on to the next song on the album (in my head, remember), aptly named ‘Sorrow’ and I realised I couldn’t remember any of the lyrics, just an old man’s gummy humming version of it. Eventually, however, I got the lyrics ‘cover me in Reagan bones’ to circulate through the old noggin.
The original hipster.

 Finally, through puffy, slitted, hateful eyes, I watched dawn seep inexorably through my curtains, the slow morning proctologist. And now I type away, knowing that I have work in an hour.

I AM INEXORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE STARS:

I’m giving this insomnia two stars for being mildly amusing. Usually I just lie awake thinking of my problems! Lame. Then again, I haven’t even been to work yet, so I’m assuming this bout will just get worse and worse. Ok. Deducting another half for fearful expectations.

1.5/5 stars

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