The Universe

The swirling cosmos, vast expanse of everything.
THE STARS
At my job, we’re working on a TV show called ‘The Mighty Uke’ which is a documentary about the ukulele, and its undoubted importance in the grand scheme of things. Since we’ve started captioning this show, some strange, unexplainable coincidences have started happening. First, Bridget worked an entire day on nothing but the ukulele show, and then came home and stepped on her ukulele, breaking it into three pieces. Insert gasps here. And then my colleague, Dave, captioned a segment about the importance of the ukulele in Hawaii, and you’ll never guess, he’s going to Hawaii in March. You can’t make this shit up people. So naturally I said ‘It looks like the universe is telling you to buy a ukulele’ and he was pretty into the idea.
You too could be this happy. 
So then I started thinking about the universe, and its meddling ways. I’m not here to debate the veracity of the universe and its tendency to meddle in the insignificant details of peoples lives – let’s take that for a granted. What i’m here to do is find out WHAT’S IN IT FOR THE UNIVERSE.
And this is where things get a little shocking, ladies and gents.
LACK OF STARS
It seems like a bit of harmless prodding from the fundamental energy of life, this little hint that my colleague should buy a ukulele. Ukuleles are fun and festive, and will undoubtedly improve Dave’s life. But let’s not forget the mishap which happened to my foxy girlfriend/colleague, Bridget – different method, but same result. She needs a new ukulele now. And instead of happy ‘la la i’m going to Hawaii’ The Universe stepped on her perfectly good ukulele. That’s standover tactics. You just know that somewhere in the world, The Universe has put a decapitated ukulele in someones bed.
The Godfather was originally all about ukuleles. True story.
Clearly The Universe has a high stake in the ukulele business. I won’t claim to understand the motives behind this – you’d think that existence would have enough to do without investing in fringe instruments. Then again, maybe this is what The Universe has been waiting for in all its millenia of existence. It came onto the scene, big bang and all, created the planets and the stars etc, life evolved from primordial sludge yadda yadda yadda, ice age, blah blah blah neanderthal man, etc etc etc Oprah and 3d movies. Now finally The Universe can kick back and run that little ukulele store that it always wanted. Of course, after the GFC and recession, things have been a little lean for ukulele sales, and baby Jesus wants to go to college because carpentry and messiahing are dying businesses, so it’s up for The Universe to give things a little nudge…
And The Universe isn’t the only one in the business.
Darkstar? Great, so now Anti-Matter has its grubby,
 negative energy paws in the music business.
THE SCORE:
1/5 stars (I’m giving it a single star, because despite its creepy stand-over tactics and conspiracy theory business plan, it’s still kinda a mum and pop set up.)
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